Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Eight Ways To Say, “No!”

Posted: March 12, 2014 in Family
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Work, family, relationships, and various other activities take our time daily. Often, if you are a person who can get things done, you are called on more often than you sometimes wish. One thing that took me years to master is the ability to say, “NO!” Often, if a person has a good heart, they want to help. The problem is there is only so much time in the time bank. As I was checking news this morning, I came across an article that I thought was worth sharing, because it has very good information regarding saying, “No.” to others.

Eight Ways To Say, “No!”

If you want something done, ask a busy person. The old saying rings true, but it also spells doom for that busy person. When you develop a reputation for being responsive and generous, an ever-expanding mountain of requests will come your way. This may be why Warren Buffett says: “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.”
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For those of us who enjoy being helpful—or just plain polite—this is no easy task. Every “no” is a missed opportunity to make a difference and build a relationship. And if it comes across the wrong way to the wrong person, it’s also a surefire way to brand yourself as selfish and rude.
As long as I can remember, I’ve been terrible at saying no. If it benefited other people more than it cost me, I would try to help. With a growing family and increasing professional responsibilities, I knew I needed to say no more often, but I had a hard time actually doing it.

Last year, I got the push I needed when the New York Times magazine ran a cover story on my book, Give and Take. Since the book focuses on the surprising success of givers—people who consistently help others with no strings attached—it was only natural to analyze how I handle these dynamics myself. A much bigger audience became aware that “no” tended to be absent from my vocabulary, and I was flooded with thousands of emails from people seeking help.

I learned that there’s a big difference between pleasing people and helping them. Being a giver is not about saying yes to all of the people all of the time to all of the requests. It’s about saying yes to some of the people (generous givers and “matchers” who aim for quid pro quo, but not necessarily the selfish takers) some of the time (when it won’t compromise your own goals and ambitions) to some of the requests (when you have resources or skills that are uniquely relevant). Outside those specific conditions, successful givers follow Buffett’s edict and decline for one fundamental reason:
Saying no frees you up to say yes when it matters most.

But the rest of the time, how do you say no without burning bridges and jeopardizing your reputation? Since it wasn’t possible to say yes to everyone, I got a crash course in saying no. I ended up test-driving eight responses. Each had advantages and disadvantages, and proved appropriate with different people in different circumstances:

1. The Deferral: “I’m swamped right now, but feel free to follow-up”
My first response was to explain candidly that my availability was limited while traveling on book tour, but I hoped to have more flexibility a few months down the road. This initial filter provided clues about who cared the most about connecting with me. I liked prioritizing the people who were passionate and persistent. But I also unwittingly rewarded the stalkers and the takers—people so aggressive and single-minded that they would do whatever it took to get what they wanted. As Joel Stein laments, it’s all too common that we end up helping “the pushy ones” and miss the people who are too respectful of your time to bother you at all, let alone again.

2. The Referral: “I’m not qualified to do what you’re asking, but here’s something else”
Many requests were so far removed from my expertise that saying yes would have been a disservice. (A word to the wise: don’t ask an organizational psychologist for assistance with startup financing or a medical malpractice lawsuit.) When people reached out for career advice, although I empathized with them, I have no training as a career counselor. In the rare occasions when I offer career suggestions, it’s after observing a student in class and having multiple conversations during office hours.

Not wanting to leave anyone empty-handed, I replied that I’m generally reluctant to give prescriptive advice, especially to people I don’t know. In lieu of that, here are some resources that might be useful: books on career choices (The Startup of You, Finding Your Element, So Good They Can’t Ignore You) and assessments for clarifying your values (Decision Pulse), strengths (Reflected Best Self and Strengths Finder), and career interests (Self-Directed Search). These referrals allowed me to avoid saying no outright and to engage equally with everyone in a way that protected my time.

3. The Introduction: “This isn’t in my wheelhouse, but I know someone who might be helpful”
When I wasn’t in a position to help, I sometimes knew people who could. Provided that I had a way to verify the requestor’s trustworthiness, I facilitated the connection. This was a huge time-saver and often proved far more helpful than the other approaches: some people landed jobs, and one of my introductions accidentally resulted in a marriage. As I wrote a few months ago, introductions are the gift we love to receive but forget to give.

Despite the appeal of introductions, there’s one major downside: they can be an imposition on the person who’s being enlisted to help. I didn’t mind asking givers who weren’t too busy and matchers who had benefited from my help in the past. But I worried about becoming what Ken Chester calls a Robin Hood giver, someone who “zealously gives to one group of people by taking from others.” I started checking with my colleagues first to see if they were comfortable with an introduction. That way, I didn’t punish the most generous givers by overloading them with requests—and it was less likely to damage our relationship or my reputation. This saved some embarrassment and some amusement (in at least three cases, I attempted to introduce people who already knew each other).

4. The Bridge: “You two are working toward common goals”
Inevitably, due diligence failed in some cases, and the introduction wasn’t productive. Instead of inconveniencing one person to help another, I started looking for ways to make mutually beneficial connections. When I heard from an aspiring screenwriter asking to get his screenplay read by a film industry insider, I remembered an earlier note from a depressed comedy writer searching for a way to help others. Rather than putting these two strangers in touch with people from my network, I connected them to each other. And when a series of entrepreneurs asked for feedback on apps designed to facilitate seeking and giving help, I put them in contact so they could support one another’s efforts.

5. The Triage: “Meet my colleague, who will set up a time to chat”
Unfortunately, these moments of serendipitous synergy don’t happen every day, and I was still taking a larger number of calls than I had time to handle. I hired Reb, an applied psychology expert, to collaborate on a variety of projects. When a request was related to his expertise, he fielded the initial conversation and reported back, and we evaluated whether there were unique ways we could help. His rare combination of competence and compassion has made this remarkably effective.

6. The Batch: “Others have posed the same question, so let’s chat together”
A dialogue with a former student opened my eyes to another response. Ryan is a military veteran who transitioned into business, and I was stunned to learn that he schedules upwards of 100 calls per month with fellow veterans pursuing that path. It seemed inefficient to take those calls individually when he was providing similar information to each person, so I suggested inviting them in small groups to weekly Google Hangouts. I ended up following my own advice, and found that it helped people create a community around common interests. It also served as a low-commitment first encounter for me to gauge how helpful I could be in subsequent interactions.

7. The Relational Account: “If I helped you, I’d be letting others down”
Even though I tried to help in other ways, each of these responses meant declining the original request, which was hard for me to do. Anne Lamott writes that “‘No is a complete sentence,” but it’s not a very nice sentence. Research shows that saying no can make us appear cold and selfish, and due to gender stereotypes, declining costs women more than men. As Sheryl Sandberg observes in Lean In, “when a woman declines to help a colleague, she often receives less favorable reviews and fewer rewards. But a man who declines to help? He pays no penalty.”

The good news is that there’s a friendly way to circumvent this risk. It’s called a relational account, and it involves referencing your commitment to other people when declining the focal person. Studies by Hannah Riley Bowles and Linda Babcock reveal that when we offer relational accounts for going against the norm, we’re viewed more favorably, as we preserve our image as giving and caring. Here are some of my relational accounts:

•Mentoring requests: “Students are my top priority professionally, and since I teach more than 300 students per year, I don’t have the bandwidth to take on additional mentoring.”
•Speaking requests: “With more than two dozen speaking invitations rolling in per week, my wife and I have set a limit for speaking engagements, and at this point, I’m maxed out.”
•Introduction requests: “I’d become a taker if I kept asking this person for favors” or “I don’t know this person well enough to impose.”

8. The Learning Opportunity
One guy wouldn’t take no for an answer. I tried the deferral, the referral, the batch, and the relational account, but he kept coming back.
I might have responded differently if he had followed some of the recommendations in Mattan Griffel’s insightful post on getting busy people to answer your email, or my list of six ways to get me to email you back. Instead, I decided to level with him:
“I’m sorry to disappoint. One of my goals for this year is to improve my ability to say no—you are a tough audience. I suppose it’s good practice…”

At that point, he moved on. Meanwhile, I’m still practicing.

Adam is a Wharton professor and the author of Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success, a New York Times bestseller. You can follow him on Twitter @AdamMGrantand sign up for his free newsletter at http://www.giveandtake.com.

A Picture Worth a Thousand Words

Posted: December 19, 2013 in Family
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Struggling To Keep Work and Life Balanced?

Posted: October 23, 2013 in Family
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I came across this article (below in italics) and felt it had many great points for those who are single, have families, and are of any religion. Even though the article is geared to those who have a small-business and family, many of the points apply to all of us.

Personally, family life can be balanced quite well, when one decides that their priorities fall in this order:

Faith, family, and then work.

Unfortunately, for most people today their order looks a bit like this: Work, Work, Work, Work, and somewhere way down the line is family, and quite often no faith at all. No surprise we have a 50% divorce rate, broken families, and youth gone wild is it? The wealthy families are often living no different from poor families when it comes to family life either. Wipe out the material aspect, and just look at the family aspect, and you will understand my previous statement.

All that people are frustrated by financially and politically can be managed by re-setting priorities. The world will fix and heal itself, if we all just refocus on what is important in life. It sounds simple, but for many they just don’t have the character, or will to stand up and fight. They give in to man’s ways and spin in the cycle of unhappiness.

So here is the article. What do you think?

How to Keep Your Small Business Without Losing Your Family by Craig Ford

Unfortunately, work often competes with family.

Ideally, the two would work together, but …

The small business owner always feels this tension. The traits that make a small business person successful in the work place include strong work ethic, creativity, and determination. The book Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership: How to Become an Effective Leader by Confronting Potential Failures says your greatest assets are also your greatest liabilities. Your leadership strength is also the thing that is most likely to lead to your downfall.

The small business owner who invests 80 hours a week in his or her business – because of strong focus and determination – is also the most likely to burn-out and neglect his or her family.

So how do you keep your family without losing your business?

The 30 Second Commute : The Ultimate Guide to Starting and Operating a Home-Based Business has a list of things for the home-based business owner to consider:

Involve your family in the business plan developing stages – be clear about what will change, might change, and won’t change.

Communicate openly with your spouse – know the answers to the following questions:

What are your expectations during this new phase? – be with the kids during the day? home on weekends?

Are you on the same page financially?

What is your greatest fear as you enter this new endeavor?

What will the family need to sacrifice, for how long?

How do we know the plan is not working? Have an exit strategy in place.

Communicate clearly with the children – what are their new boundaries.

When spouses work together:

Consider this carefully as few spouses can spend such extended hours together and their marriage be blessed.

The game plan
Before starting any new business venture I believe a husband and wife should sit down together and clearly discuss the family implications of a new business. Here’s how:

On a piece of paper write your average weekly, daily, or monthly activities. Then ask, “How will this activity change if I take on this business?” Beside each activity indicate if it will change, might change, or won’t change.

As a couple, ask each other if you are willing to sacrifice those items that will change.

Never Go in it Alone
In the book Moms Needs, Dads Needs: Keeping Romance Alive Even After the Kids Arrive Willard F. Harley,Jr. suggests the following agreement:

Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse.

This is a rule I often break and the reality is that when I break this rule the results have not been a blessing to our marriage. Most of us operate with the following rule:

As long as you won’t be ‘too mad’, I think I’ll do it.

However, when running a small business a lot will be demanded of your family and your marriage. If you are not both enthusiastic about the choice, that decision will put more and more pressure on your relationship.

The Exit Strategy
In the post on How to Evaluate Risk When Starting a Small Business we talked about the importance of having a financial exit plan. What if things do not work out according to plan?

You must also have a family motivated exit plan.

What if the business starts demanding more time? What if the business is not on track in terms of growth? While one spouse might be willing to make a longer commitment to the business, both must agree when enough is enough and it is time to move on to something else.

I believe there is a broken correlation between those who are highly successful in small business and those who have fantastic families. In other words, it is hard to have both – hard, but not impossible.

Remember the Important Role of Prayer
While God is already with us, prayer is an intentional invitation for God to join you in the midst of your discussions.

In prayer, barriers are removed and anger released.

Commit to spending time in prayer over major decisions. A flesh act is one where we proceed with a plan without first consulting God. Even in business we walk by the Spirit.

Remember, there are some things that should never be sacrificed.

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? (Mark 8:36 NIV)

In the same way I would ask – what good is it if you have a successful small business, but lose your family?How I categorize gains and losses, I would actually call this a loss.

Read more: http://www.moneyhelpforchristians.com/

Woman are more likely to blame their partners……

Posted: August 20, 2013 in Family, Health
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After reading this article, I found it enlightening because it is correct in so many ways. I did not live years ago, but something tells me that when men spent the majority of their day working and providing for their family, and woman spent the day taking pride in raising their children, cooking wonderful dinners, keeping the house in order, and doing traditional motherly work, their minds had less time to wonder, worry, compare, and want all the time.

With today’s society, a woman can have so many insecurities and baggage with no outlet for it. With the T.V. shows, a woman can formulate her values based on what she thinks is cool by what is presented to her. She can also get her values from her friends. The wrong group of females can take a woman down the wrong path A.S.A.P.  A woman can believe that she should not work, do anything within the home, and her life is to shop, relax, and run around all day, while she searches for a man to tolerate or provide for her. If he doesn’t, it is his fault. Wrong men! That is a misguided woman. Whoa to the man with a woman like that, but unfortunately there are a lot of them out there. On the flip side, there is the career woman who thinks that because she is just as ballsy as a man, and she brings home the bacon, she has to do nothing. You really cannot have a career man and woman in the house that work all the time if there are children, unless you want someone else to be the parent. If you have no children, it can amount to a power struggle.

So men, do not tolerate your woman trying to blame you for her problems. Her baggage and insecurities are for her to own and deal with. You can lend and ear, talk, and perhaps make a suggestion men, but at the end of the day, what is in her mind is her problem. She has to fix it. Unfortunately, a woman can be very manipulative. She will try to make you feel guilty and work your mind into believing you are to blame. If it becomes an annoyance for you that is unbearable, let her go. Otherwise, she will just be poison in your veins.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2331561/Women-likely-blame-partners-failings-relationship—money-exes-alcohol-cause-conflict.html

25 Things to Consider When Choosing a Great Wife or Husband

Posted: July 30, 2013 in Family
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Over the years, and through experience, I have learned a lot by observing relations and people. The following are not all-inclusive, or 100%, but they should definitely be looked at when considering being with a person for the long haul, because any negative answers to these questions, can, or might mean character flaws in the person, and problems for you later on. The reality is more often than not, a stable life with success produces a better mate, than an unstable life with chaos and no success. If the person your considering as a life long mate refuses to be open about some questions consider it a red flag.

  1. Does the person come from a broken home/divorce?
  2. Does the person come from a home where alcohol and drugs were used?
  3. Does the person drink heavily or do drugs?
  4. Does the person have a background involving discipline problems?
  5. Does the person have a history of poor school performance?
  6. Does the person come from a home where keeping up with the Jones’s was norm?
  7. Has the person actually supported themselves in the real world, or lived with mommy and daddy waiting for someone to marry to support them?
  8. Does the person save or spend? What is their credit rating?
  9. Does the person like to read, expand their horizons, and enjoy education?
  10. Does the person keep their house clean, cook, and other household duties?
  11. Does the person relate well to others and children in social settings?
  12. Does the person show sensitivity or callousness?
  13. Does the person act domineering, controlling, bombastic, and argumentative?
  14. Does the person have great conflict resolution or are they insecure quitting like babies?
  15. Does the person meet people or spend all their time on internet dating?
  16. Does the person dream and show action, or just dream and do nothing?
  17. Does the person like to laugh and can they take a joke?
  18. Does the person act jealous around friends of opposite sex?
  19. Do they hang around stable or questionable people? Who are their friends?
  20. Does the person have sexual boundaries that align with yours?
  21. Does the person show the ability to lead or expect you to do everything?
  22. Does the person share hobbies and passions with you?
  23. Does the person have a value system that involves integrity?
  24. Does the person want children or not want children?
  25. Does the person believe in God and involve God in their life? Does their belief align with yours?

Help! It’s right here.

Posted: July 22, 2013 in Education, Family, Health, More about me
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A lot of times I am asked about my life and how I accomplish things. “Help! I hear.” Sometimes, I am the one asking for,”Help!”

So today, I decided to do a post about the things that benefit me, and I know can benefit others. These ten things can change your life.

Help! It’s right here.

1. Banks- Banks have a main goal that is to make money and earn interest off their assets. Their goal is really not the customer even though they must pretend that they love      you to death. Banks have high priority for those who are ultra-wealthy and low priority for most of society. They often see the lower-income earners as burdens even though they are glad to have what little money you own to help their bottom line, which is to make money. So with that said, don’t pay the banks! Pay yourself! How do you pay yourself? Invest in stocks, mutual funds, and bonds that pay you interest(money). Avoid credit cards and borrowing! If you don’t have the money, then don’t buy it! Do not give the banks extra money, so that you can have a depreciating (losing money) asset. Think assets (what pads or lines your pocket), not liabilities (things that take away from your money).

2. Insurers- Insurers protect you from liability(responsibility to pay for loss) and protect the things your own(assets). Many times, we do not have the necessary cash flow to pay for huge losses. With that said, buy insurance on everything of value, that you cannot replace with the cash you have on hand. I believe in insuring everything possible.Insurance can be expensive, but the price is small when you have a disaster.

3. Retail purchases and autos- Purchasing anything new is like throwing money away in the trash. Why? Almost anything new loses extreme cash value. Purchase clothes, shoes, goods, and autos used so that someone else can lose the cash value and take the big depreciation hit for you. In return, you are benefiting your assets and helping the environment by recycling. The money saved can be invested so that you are paying yourself.

4. Groceries- Purchase fruits and vegetables that are in season so that you get the best value. Buy dry goods and other items in bulk if you have storage capacity to save money. Buy organic foods when possible to avoid chemically laden food products. Natural foods will save your retirement money for you and not prescription drugs to maintain your health. Avoid most cleaning products because they often do not work as stated and they are hazardous. One can clean and disinfect almost everything with bleach, lemon juice, vinegar, and soap.

5. Entertainment-  Always look for early season bargains on passes to museums, zoos, water parks, amusement parks, etc. The passes allow you to go to a place as much as you want without paying for a ticket every visit. The passes usually pay for themselves within one or two visits. For movies, hit the matinees and save up to 25% per ticket. If you want to take it further, pack your own food. This is always healthier and a huge savings.

6. Health- Avoid all drugs (prescription and illegal) as much as possible. The body hates drugs especially your stomach, liver, and kidneys. Avoid alcohol as much as possible and limit to no more than one drink a day maximum. Eat as many plant-based foods as you want, love and use fresh garlic, and limit consumption of animal products. Diets high in vegetables, grains, and fruits help you to have the power to enjoy life in your senior years and save your retirement money for trips and not prescription pills. At my age, I am watching friends far apart and break down, because they never took the lifestyle choice of being healthy serious. Protect your skin from the sun with sunscreen and clothing for that beautiful youthful look. Drink plenty of water and limit sugary drinks. I would say to avoid all man-made food additives as much as possible especially monosodium glutamate (makes you gain weight)  and high fructose corn syrup (diabetes link).

7. Donate- Donate what you do not need to charity organizations or others. Donate time to help make a difference in the environment or someones life. Donating time, money, and goods are great for the soul and health of the body. Another added benefit is the government recognizes the importance of donating and often many things can be used as a tax write off.

8. Religion- Prescribe to a faith and stick to its teachings as much as possible. I say as much as possible, because it is unreal to expect perfection. Of course, I am bias to Jesus Christ and Christianity, because Jesus washes me clean even though I am a sinner. Many religions base salvation on good works, but you can never have enough good works. It is impossible! We can never be perfect and Jesus knows this. A benefit of religion is added years to your life which is backed by research. It also gives one and improved state of mind and greater outlook on life.

9. Human relations- Listen and watch a person to know their heart and state of mind. Know who they hang around. Unfortunately, not everyone is nice or good. If something is great and another tells you it is bad, then you must realize that person is bad. If committing a certain act is bad and another tries to convince you it is o.k. that person is bad. Great people work to bring you up, help you, and show you good things. Bad people are the opposite because they tear you down, do not help you or your life, and they will show you in the worst way how not to be successful. A rattlesnake has a pattern and rattle for a reason. To warn you of it’s danger! Humans also have patterns and characteristics.

10. Education- I cannot state it enough! Read, study, and learn all that you can about as many topics as you can. Be a renaissance man/woman!

Reflections on Parental Guidance- A Sermon

Posted: May 19, 2013 in Family, Religion
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Today my pastor, Dr. Ed Young, did a sermon on parental guidance. He really hit the nail on the head when he said,”America is in trouble.” He started out by discussing two families that he has known over 30 years that were neighbors, same economic background, same houses, churches, parties, and social circles. He stated that sociologists would agree that almost everything about them was pretty similar. The problem is one family had complete disaster(disobedience, crime, decadence) in the household and the other complete happiness (story book family and progression). The question is,”How can that happen?”

It happens when there is a lack of family values and modeling in the home.

So one might ask,”What is a value?” A value is a life principle. Of course people will try to defeat you when you state biblical knowledge, but you can counter them by asking, “Where do you get your values? What is the source?”

Today we look on the news and see heinous and horrendous crimes one after the other against woman, children, men, and just about all over the world. In America, 48% of our teachers leave teaching. That’s almost half. We have around 135,000 kids taking guns or some sort of weapon daily to school. Over 24% of kids are scared to go to the restroom for fear of being bullied or accosted at school. We have lost our moral compass. We are not teaching boys to men or girls to be women. What we have is a failure of parenting! We treat the disease and not the problem.

Let’s take a tour of values and how we got to where we are today.

From the 1st century until the 18th century man based his life and law on transcendent values and natural law. Men looked up to the heavens for guidance. Starting in the Enlightenment period, men heard the ideas of Kant and Jean- Jacques Rousseau. Rousseau taught to look within your heart for guidance. Kant taught to look inside your mind for guidance. Forget God and look to yourself. This idea is prominent in education today. We allow children to follow their passions, emotions, hearts, and minds without guidance. Now Rousseau did have children, but all four were born by a slave and he disowned all of them. Some parent he was yes? So why do we look towards his philosophical thinking and teach it today? Why are his philosophies more prominent than those of Jesus?

Then we have Friedrich Nietzsche who came along later to teach perfectionism, self-will, and calling your own shots. You don’t need anyone to tell you what to do. You can rule your own life. You dominate the weak and control. Freidrich Nietzsche states,” The strong have the right to rule anyway they see fit.”

It’s no surprise that Adolf Hitler adopted this thinking. The sad part is this philosophy is alive and well in education today.

“What’s in the classroom today, will be in the home tomorrow.” ~ Dr. Ed Young

So you see the darkness that prevails today, that most people want to close their minds to and ignore, began during the Enlightenment period. Parents have not absorbed this fact. The scale is tipping to negative and dark territory as time passes.

During the 60’s and 70’s, the heat was turned up, and we had the Haight-Ashbury’s Love-In. Free love, free sex, free food, drugs, and the turning away from values. These people are ruling today. Do you see the direction and why we are where we are at now? John Lennon was bigger than the world at the time and everyone loved his music. Lennon was embraced with great fervor. Is John Lennon really that great and an authority on parenting? Let’s take a look at what Julian Lennon said about his father.

“I know that Dad was an idol to millions who grew up loving his music and his ideals. But to me he wasn’t a musician or a peace icon, he was the father I loved and who let me down in so many ways. After the age of five, when my parents separated, I saw him only a handful of times, and when I did he was often remote and intimidating. I grew up longing for more contact with him but felt rejected and unimportant in his life.
… … While Dad was fast becoming one of the wealthiest men in his field, Mum and I had very little and she was going out to work to support us. Dad was about peace and love, but could not show it to the ones who were supposedly most important to him. ~Julian Lennon

Without question, the greatest victim of Lennon’s character failings was his oldest son, Julian. John Lennon clearly resented the young boy whose conception had forced him into a marriage he didn’t want and trapped him in a domestic routine he was too immature and narcissistic to sustain. Simply, John Lennon made up his own life – exaggerating, embellishing, and outright lying when it suited him to do so.  People tend to see Lennon as some sort of divine guru of peace and love because of his political activities in the early 1970s. The reality is John Lennon was politically clueless and only took photos with a bunch of radical groups.
John offered no parental guidance. So why do we look at him as some great hero when he is a failure in regards to parental guidance?

In a UCLA teen survey that was ten years apart, the first in 1997 and the second in 2007 we see the stark change in teen values over a ten-year period. The teens were asked what their top values were.

In 1997: community, tradition, acceptance, image, and benevolence.

In 2007: fame, achievement, image, success, and popularity.

So we can see there is less caring about others and more about the “ME.”

Do you see the progression and how we are failing as a society? It all starts at home. Fathers and mothers are failing because they give no parental guidance. Fathers are especially weak because they are not leading their houses. The woman is not the leader. The man is the leader. Men step up!

The funny part about Kant, Rousseau, and Nietzsche and the whole enlightenment is that God talked about their ideals in Jeremiah. There ideas were nothing new and God spoke of the problems those ideas bring in the following verses:

Jeremiah 17:9-14

New International Version (NIV)

 

9 The heart is deceitful above all things
    and beyond cure.
    Who can understand it?

 

10 “I the Lord search the heart
    and examine the mind,
to reward each person according to their conduct,
    according to what their deeds deserve.”

 

11 Like a partridge that hatches eggs it did not lay
    are those who gain riches by unjust means.
When their lives are half gone, their riches will desert them,
    and in the end they will prove to be fools.

 

12 A glorious throne, exalted from the beginning,
    is the place of our sanctuary.
13 Lord, you are the hope of Israel;
    all who forsake you will be put to shame.
Those who turn away from you will be written in the dust
    because they have forsaken the Lord,
    the spring of living water.

14 Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed;
    save me and I will be saved,
    for you are the one I praise.

God searches the heart and the mind we just need to follow him and his teachings. We need to look up instead of looking to our own hearts and minds.

There are men and women who seek to be corporate icons and heroes making all the money that they can, but at the end of their lives they often state,”I wish I could go back and be a better parent and raise my children.” IT’S TO LATE!!!!

What AMERICA needs so desperately right now is men and woman who are FAMILY ORIENTED and not CORPORATE CLONES.

Matthew 16:25-27

New International Version (NIV)

25 For whoever wants to save their life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 26 What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? 27 For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.

The best parental guidance one can give is time to your child by listening, learning, working with them, and loving them. Do not let their friends or outsiders be their source of knowledge. Many important people today have the worst advice in the word because their minds are reprobate.

Don’t lose your children because you choose to live for the world. You will gain nothing!

 

Now Hiring! Great Parents. Job Description below.

Posted: May 13, 2013 in Family
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Job Requirements

Provide affirmation, information, clarity about values, limits, boundaries, and guidance.

Establish clear boundaries with family power dynamics.

Establish a sense of confidence in the home along with authority.

Keep your child young as long as possible

Keep them away from things deemed for adults

Do not let T.V., advertisements, and peer pressure undermine your parental authority.

Teach children to respect and obey biblical authority, but to challenge sinful authority.

Teach them adults and children are not equal.

Teach them about entitlement; teach them they are entitled to love, care, and education, but not worldly possessions. Explain the difference between needs and wants.

Model values, purchasing habits, and communications skills

Hold tight to parental authority and stop any manipulation immediately.

Nurture your child from birth to adulthood and beyond

And always remember that no computer, television, or iPad, can teach your child how the world works.

You must teach your child. The best teacher is you the parent.

Proverbs 22:6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

With summer comes water activities

Posted: May 12, 2013 in Family
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Here are some special reminders about water safety.

Watersafety4 Watersafety1 Watersafety2 Watersafety3

Never Say “NO!” to Cuddling

Posted: May 7, 2013 in Family
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I read this on news site recently and thought it was excellent. This is great relationship and family advice.

For a Healthy Relationship, Never Say No to Cuddling

When couples come to see me with their first complaint being that they haven’t had sex in several months, there is palpable tension. They panic, and search for reasons why. When sex is going well, it is 5% of the relationship. However, when sex isn’t going well, it may become 95% of the relationship. A recent study reported in the Daily Mail suggested that more important than sex for a couple’s happiness and health is cuddling. Cuddling provides many benefits besides a sense of security and closeness. It also provides stimulus to our olfactory centers (the smell of our partner makes us feel loved) and our touch centers, and it helps to release oxytocin (the feel good hormone that helps us feel love toward our partner).  Cuddling also provides another form of communication that sexual intercourse doesn’t. It allows us to feel closer without draining our energy. Sometimes the best communication happens when couples are holding one another.

Many times, couples’ first homework assignment from me is to begin touching each other more and talking less. When sex isn’t going well, not only do you lose that physical connection but you lose the emotional connection too.  Often you become more critical of your partner as well as irritable and annoyed. The emotional connection is much more important than the sexual one, because the emotional connection determines if the sexual one will happen, and how frequently. Touching and cuddling is the best way to restore and build the emotional connection. When couples touch, they let down their guard, and begin feeling love and acceptance toward their partner. If cuddling is continued, the feeling of love and connection leads to better communication and sex.

Women may fault men saying they don’t like to cuddle and jump too quickly to sexual intercourse. My practice as well as the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction suggests this is not true. According to Kinsey’s research, among couples in committed relationships, tenderness may be more important to the man than the woman; regular kisses and cuddling lead to greater relationship satisfaction in men than in their partners, especially as they grow older. When I talk to couples and ask them to list the number one problem in their relationships, it is men, not women saying the lack of intimacy. When I question further, they talk about missing the touching, caressing, and soft talking they once shared with their partner.

The time to begin cuddling is early in the relationship. If you have let that go with raising kids, or demanding careers, you can still get it back. Adding a little bit of time into your day to hug or touch your spouse will add a closeness you may have felt was gone forever. You may not need to mention it to your partner. Sometimes their noticing changes in you without you talking about makes it more special. However, if you have a partner who feels like you only touch them when you want sex, then communicating with them about the benefits of cuddling may be a better option.  Reassuring them that it is the intimacy and closeness that you want may be enough to convince them to cuddle. Here are a few tips to help you get started with your “cuddle plan.”

1.       You can cuddle anywhere, which makes it convenient, but being captive together makes it more special. Places like airplanes or movie theatres are a great place to begin cuddling.

2.       No one likes to cuddle on a hard surface, so make sure you have a “cuddle sofa,” or overstuffed chair where you both fit comfortably.

3.       No one likes to cuddle with a computer on their partner’s lap, so get rid of laptops, cell phones, iPhones, and iPads.

4.       Smoking while cuddling is not wise. Getting burned or the smell of smoke in your face causes coughing and disgust.

5.       Talking softly while cuddling is desired.

6.       Kissing is not necessary, but is nice while cuddling.

7.       Being a good listener while cuddling is also important, remember your partner will feel more secure and may want to tell you things they have not said before.

8.       Being gentle is part of cuddling.

9.       Cuddling has no objective other than to feel close to your partner…so don’t rush to finish.

10.    Cuddling is helping your partner and you to be healthier with lower blood pressure and respirations. Imagine your ability to heal.

Whenever I talk to a person who lost their spouse and I ask them what they miss most, they tell me many things. At the top of their list is the sense of being held by that person. The hugs, the way their skin smelled, and how that person made their body feel when they were near. Stress, illness, and depression can affect sexual performance, but anyone can cuddle. A couple’s ability to cuddle, not to perform sex, is one of the best predictors of an emotionally/physically close, happy, and healthy relationship. –Mary Jo Rapini

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