Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

Frenemies

Posted: March 10, 2014 in Poetry
Tags: , , , ,

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Frenemies

A party is available. They are sure to come.

They want what you have, but share with no one.

They want your ear, as if you’re Dr. Phil,

Yet they will not help you, even if you are ill.

Their time bank is full, so full of themselves,

That when you ask for a little, you get shelved.

They smile and say, ” How wonderful you are.”

Yet privately describe you, as if you are tar.

They do their best to zap the good from you,

And leave your feeling, as if you have the flu.

You need their help, but when the time comes,

They leave you dry, so they can have fun.

When you confront them about how you feel,

These people will scream, ” No big deal. “

So when they fail to listen, it is time to break.

There is no need for toxic relations for heaven’s sake.

2014 Albert Moyer, Jr.

Chemistry-woman

Chemistry – A Haiku

Do we feel connected?

Your element and mine bond.

Things are compounded.

2013 Albert Moyer, Jr.

After reading this article, I found it enlightening because it is correct in so many ways. I did not live years ago, but something tells me that when men spent the majority of their day working and providing for their family, and woman spent the day taking pride in raising their children, cooking wonderful dinners, keeping the house in order, and doing traditional motherly work, their minds had less time to wonder, worry, compare, and want all the time.

With today’s society, a woman can have so many insecurities and baggage with no outlet for it. With the T.V. shows, a woman can formulate her values based on what she thinks is cool by what is presented to her. She can also get her values from her friends. The wrong group of females can take a woman down the wrong path A.S.A.P.  A woman can believe that she should not work, do anything within the home, and her life is to shop, relax, and run around all day, while she searches for a man to tolerate or provide for her. If he doesn’t, it is his fault. Wrong men! That is a misguided woman. Whoa to the man with a woman like that, but unfortunately there are a lot of them out there. On the flip side, there is the career woman who thinks that because she is just as ballsy as a man, and she brings home the bacon, she has to do nothing. You really cannot have a career man and woman in the house that work all the time if there are children, unless you want someone else to be the parent. If you have no children, it can amount to a power struggle.

So men, do not tolerate your woman trying to blame you for her problems. Her baggage and insecurities are for her to own and deal with. You can lend and ear, talk, and perhaps make a suggestion men, but at the end of the day, what is in her mind is her problem. She has to fix it. Unfortunately, a woman can be very manipulative. She will try to make you feel guilty and work your mind into believing you are to blame. If it becomes an annoyance for you that is unbearable, let her go. Otherwise, she will just be poison in your veins.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2331561/Women-likely-blame-partners-failings-relationship—money-exes-alcohol-cause-conflict.html

I read this on news site recently and thought it was excellent. This is great relationship and family advice.

For a Healthy Relationship, Never Say No to Cuddling

When couples come to see me with their first complaint being that they haven’t had sex in several months, there is palpable tension. They panic, and search for reasons why. When sex is going well, it is 5% of the relationship. However, when sex isn’t going well, it may become 95% of the relationship. A recent study reported in the Daily Mail suggested that more important than sex for a couple’s happiness and health is cuddling. Cuddling provides many benefits besides a sense of security and closeness. It also provides stimulus to our olfactory centers (the smell of our partner makes us feel loved) and our touch centers, and it helps to release oxytocin (the feel good hormone that helps us feel love toward our partner).  Cuddling also provides another form of communication that sexual intercourse doesn’t. It allows us to feel closer without draining our energy. Sometimes the best communication happens when couples are holding one another.

Many times, couples’ first homework assignment from me is to begin touching each other more and talking less. When sex isn’t going well, not only do you lose that physical connection but you lose the emotional connection too.  Often you become more critical of your partner as well as irritable and annoyed. The emotional connection is much more important than the sexual one, because the emotional connection determines if the sexual one will happen, and how frequently. Touching and cuddling is the best way to restore and build the emotional connection. When couples touch, they let down their guard, and begin feeling love and acceptance toward their partner. If cuddling is continued, the feeling of love and connection leads to better communication and sex.

Women may fault men saying they don’t like to cuddle and jump too quickly to sexual intercourse. My practice as well as the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction suggests this is not true. According to Kinsey’s research, among couples in committed relationships, tenderness may be more important to the man than the woman; regular kisses and cuddling lead to greater relationship satisfaction in men than in their partners, especially as they grow older. When I talk to couples and ask them to list the number one problem in their relationships, it is men, not women saying the lack of intimacy. When I question further, they talk about missing the touching, caressing, and soft talking they once shared with their partner.

The time to begin cuddling is early in the relationship. If you have let that go with raising kids, or demanding careers, you can still get it back. Adding a little bit of time into your day to hug or touch your spouse will add a closeness you may have felt was gone forever. You may not need to mention it to your partner. Sometimes their noticing changes in you without you talking about makes it more special. However, if you have a partner who feels like you only touch them when you want sex, then communicating with them about the benefits of cuddling may be a better option.  Reassuring them that it is the intimacy and closeness that you want may be enough to convince them to cuddle. Here are a few tips to help you get started with your “cuddle plan.”

1.       You can cuddle anywhere, which makes it convenient, but being captive together makes it more special. Places like airplanes or movie theatres are a great place to begin cuddling.

2.       No one likes to cuddle on a hard surface, so make sure you have a “cuddle sofa,” or overstuffed chair where you both fit comfortably.

3.       No one likes to cuddle with a computer on their partner’s lap, so get rid of laptops, cell phones, iPhones, and iPads.

4.       Smoking while cuddling is not wise. Getting burned or the smell of smoke in your face causes coughing and disgust.

5.       Talking softly while cuddling is desired.

6.       Kissing is not necessary, but is nice while cuddling.

7.       Being a good listener while cuddling is also important, remember your partner will feel more secure and may want to tell you things they have not said before.

8.       Being gentle is part of cuddling.

9.       Cuddling has no objective other than to feel close to your partner…so don’t rush to finish.

10.    Cuddling is helping your partner and you to be healthier with lower blood pressure and respirations. Imagine your ability to heal.

Whenever I talk to a person who lost their spouse and I ask them what they miss most, they tell me many things. At the top of their list is the sense of being held by that person. The hugs, the way their skin smelled, and how that person made their body feel when they were near. Stress, illness, and depression can affect sexual performance, but anyone can cuddle. A couple’s ability to cuddle, not to perform sex, is one of the best predictors of an emotionally/physically close, happy, and healthy relationship. –Mary Jo Rapini

This article really hits the nail on lies in marriage.

http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/gods-plan-for-marriage/8-lies-that-destroy-marriage#.UWhoXEq4pJo